Noah's Cleft Lip Surgery

I can't believe it has been a year today since Noah had his cleft lip surgery. I still find myself looking back at photos of him before surgery wishing to spend one more day with that face. 

The morning of his cleft lip surgery: I remember sitting here thinking, "This will be the last moments at home with this face that I love so much!"

I will never forget that feeling when they handed me my "new" baby boy. I had so many ideas of what I thought I might feel and think when they handed him to me. Really, I just was anxiously awaiting to see what he would look like, praising God for the ability to help him. What happened I did not expect. As I held my son after a few long hours of him in surgery...I cried hard. I was sad. I remember people asking me "What's wrong?" and that "he was ok." I shook my head yes, I knew he was fine but....I wanted my baby back! I WANTED the Noah with the tilted nose and the wide smile. I fell in love with THAT baby God sent me. I spent time letting the enemy win wishing Noah was not born with a cleft and waiting until the day he was "fixed". In the process, I fell madly in love with the face he had. I fell in love with the face that held his first smile, first laugh and first cry. I fell in love with the kisses that wide smile gave. He became my vision of perfect and now as he was "perfectly" in my arms, I wanted the beauty I had all along. 

The wonderful thing that I find in this is that the way I felt for Noah then, is the way God feels for us all. He has the love a parent has when he holds his children. He does not see through a worldly lends how beautiful his children are. He sees through his own and we are perfectly created in his sight no matter what form we are in.

I love that I can be bare, without makeup, hair a mess and tattered baggy clothes as I spend my daily prayer and devotion time with him and for him to think me more beautiful in that moment than at any other time. What he finds beautiful is love. And so explains why I missed that wide smile of his. When I was down and out, Noahs smile would radiate love and I found nothing more beautiful in the world than that. 

Noah's First (wide) Smile:

It is one of many things over the past year that Noah has taught me about our God, the creator of every living thing.  He finds beauty within me... I find my identity in Him. He loves me like I love my son. He loves my son as I love him. How can I ever doubt his goodness? His provision? His strength? 

Outside time with daddy at the hospital:

God provided these wonderful souls at Children's Healthcare for us. They are amazing and talented people! I am grateful how well they took care of my son.

Noah spent 3 days in the Hospital for this surgery and recovered quickly. I am thankful to have been there during a festive part of the year...Halloween. We decorated Noah's room with Halloween stuff. I remember he would stare at his fiber optic pumpkin forever oblivious to the pain.

The letter I typed for the doctor from Noah's Lippy the Lion book.

For these two reasons and for the wonderful children we encountered over the year...I wanted to start giving back. So a new tradition in our family is going to be gathering fun Halloween supplies to Children's to donate on the day of Noah's first surgery, October 16th. I just want to rest knowing that children in pain who have to stay in the hospital during Halloween can look around in their room and feel the festivities all around them and most importantly the LOVE that unties us all. 

Our first donation drop off:

Our Many "Recovery Walks". I thinking being outside made him feel better. 

Noah had to wear arm braces for a few weeks after both surgeries:

First "New" Smile after Surgery: 

Noah this past weekend.Enjoying this season in a much different way.

I have grown to love this smile a whole lot too!